kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
does kat ever have good luck

the answer to that question is a solid "sometimes it is admittedly less bad than usual"

guess what

this is not one of those times.

R.I.P my car :( the frame just like...exploded while i was driving at fucking 75 mph on the interstate. I thought a tire blew out but when I pulled over to assess the damage, the whole rear driver's side was just busted. Pieces of the rear driver's side door are gone. You can see right inside to the rear axle.

Like. This car is only 11 years old. No accidents. What could even cause the frame to just go kablewy like that?

Oh yeah and yesterday I decided to move back in with my parents because I (already) have too many fucking bills, and I have had no luck finding a roommate. And this morning I tried to donate plasma, which I do on the reg because hey, tax free income, but my veins, which were already doing not great, were like nope, not having it. In either arm. And now the fucking car blows up. No money, no car, and two new bills showed up this week and one of them was not a prospective car payment.

I don't even know anymore. I really fucking don't.
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
So one of the things I was worried about when I started The Job was that maybe it would actually be horrible, maybe I've spent so motherfucking long trying to get it and idealizing it that it can't possibly have been worth all this effort.

Well.

Is it the greatest job I've ever had? No. (That was the job at the beach resort, which I was laid off from in 2008. Fucking republicans and their fail economic policies.) But I give it a solid Second Best.

The greatest part though, is the limited amount of human interaction I have to deal with. Come in, do the work, get the fuck out.

But fuck my brain, because I experience low grade anxiety almost every time I go to work, and it's bullshit because I have literally nothing work related to be anxious about. My trainer told me from day one that some of the pastries I made looked better than his. But the feeling of inadequacy remains. I guess just the fact that there is so much new information to absorb, even if none of it is really difficult, kind of overwhelmed me a little. I've done baking before but it was nothing close to volume of work at this place. And I guess coming from my other job, where I was kind of...a bnf? Not amongst the managers of course, but by the time I finally quit I was the oldest employee; almost everyone else had been there less than a year, so if there was something somebody didn't know, "idk ask Kat" was kind of the default response. Which, being anxious about my job now is so much more dumb now that I think about it, because I had waaaaaay more stuff to learn at my last job just to do prep, and I was actually crosstrained to work on the line, too, so wth. And my trainer has told me repeatedly that I'm doing very well. So idk I think I just wish I could fast forward to "expert" but that's not how it works, brain.

Stupid fucking brain.
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
I always say to myself every few months, I am going to start posting more. I am going to fucking log onto my Goodreads and Librarything and Dreamwidth and start interacting with some goddamn human beings. lol

SO! In no particular order:

*Kitten! I'm at work right now so I can't post any pics, but he is all black, with yellow-green eyes (green around pupil, with a circle of yellow surrounding the green). His name officially is Sammy but I pretty much always call him Little Man. He was abandoned in the park when he was itty bitty, like had only just learned to walk little. So even though I told myself I wasn't getting another cat, yeah, right, this is me. Idk how or why I always end up with 3 cats when I swear this time I'm sticking with just 2 but hey.

*Work! This May I finally got hired by the place I've been trying to get a job at for 3 1/2 damn years, but, not the position I wanted (overnight baker). For some reason the bakers are interviewed and hired by Big Corporate Bossdude. Like, the bakery is literally a whole separate operation from the rest of the cafe. Well I made damn sure that every manager in this place knew I wanted to be a baker, if there was ever an opening. Well guess what??? This is my...fifth night? Wow, yeah, it's been five days. And I LOVE IT. My trainer is awesome, the work is awesome, THE PAY IS AWESOME. More than what minimum wage is supposed to be awesome. An actual fucking living wage, what a novelty.

*My car started acting up the day I started baking, lolol this is just my luck. The word "alternator" was floated around, and I'm just like. fuck. I literally cannot catch a break ever. But, it was just some fan cooler thing and spark plugs that needed replacing. Aside from the fact that I would rather not have to pay another fucking bill, I am very attached to my car. I love my car. She's a Saturn Ion and she's eleven years old, she's missing a hubcap and the other 3 are scuffed up, has a dent in the front fender (not put there by me tyvm), a cracked windshield, and needs a new paint job, but idgaf. I love this car. I will cry the day this car dies for real. And fucking GM killed the brand, the stupid fuckwits, so I don't even know what car I will hypothetically buy next.

Uh, guess that's it for now?
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
So here it is, almost a year later that I'm finally posting about this. I'm doing this for others who find out they have thyroid problems similar to mine, or for people who have found out they need to have surgery for the first time, and take to google to find out more about it. Because that's what I did, and a lot of what I found...was not reassuring. People tend to only post their horror stories, and okay, my situation was not one hundred percent smooth sailing. But like a lot of things, the anticipation is worse than the actual thing we're scared of. Keep in mind this is my personal experience, everyone's body is different, etcetera etcetera.

text )
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
but occassionally with semi-funny results.

 photo 20160418_102952_zpsrgtmdcve.jpg





I came home from the doctor, unloaded the meds and paperwork before I turned on the light, and when I did, this is the sight that greeted me. She still has not moved even after I took the picture, uploaded it to Photobucket, and posted this. It's almost like idk she thinks she's in charge around here or something. (Don't tell her she actually is.)
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
Welp I'm almost a year into having no thyroid, and one thing everyone forgot to mention about being a thyroid patient is you can't take the good cold medicine. :(

Of course it didn't occur to me to check this info until I had already bought some Sudafed. But, the upshot of this is that as I was googling "sudafed thyroid medicine interactions" I found this blog which color me intrigued. It's been, um, an embarrassingly long time since I've read something that was not fanfiction, woops.
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
So, after three years and three interviews, I finally managed to get The Job. It's funny, the last year or so I've had several interviews at other places, but no offers. And now I've had two job offers in the same week. I was planning to take both jobs if I could, because downside, (you knew there was one, this is me after all) The Job can't promise me I'll be full time. Which, hey, at least they're being up front about it. But Alternate Job said they would not work around another schedule. They had good benefits, but the pay was meh. It's a nursing home with like fifty residents, soooo not the most fun or challenging job. Although, that interviewer asked the best questions. Ten years in the restaurant biz, and however many interviews I've had, this was literally THE FIRST TIME someone's quizzed me on weights and measures. Which, yeah, fuck naming the mother sauces, because knowing the difference between bechamel and veloute is pretty useless if you don't know how many cups are in a quart. And I have worked with/trained people like that (and that right there is one reason why I believe culinary school is the most useless thing ever).

I decided to keep Job A in the meantime. Do I still hate that place? Idk, maybe marginally less than I used to? But Job B is a wing joint. I am glad that I had it because I needed the money, but goooood do I hate that it's part of my resume now. /food snob Because I am a terrible, awful person, it was quite gratifying when one of the managers just about begged me to stay. But when I told him where I was going, he was like, yeah, we really can't compete with that. Sorry dude.

ALSO OZ IS SICK :( The vet said he may need surgery depending on what the test results show :((( It may be crystals in his urine or kidney stones, and there is a slim possibility that the problem may be fixed by putting him on a special diet.

And, my knees really hurt again. And, now there is random ankle pain?! STANDING ON CONCRETE FLOORS FOR HOURS ON END IN $20 SHOES HAHAHA
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
Yesterday at Job B I managed to cut myself three times in a thirty minute period. Courtesy of my bosses who had our knives professionally sharpened. I'm pretty sure these knives weren't this sharp when they were new.

I am definitely quitting Job A in March. Aflac open enrollment starts then and I want to make some changes to my policies. Once they take effect I'm giving my two weeks'.

It kind of makes me sad to think about leaving this place, just because I've been here so long and I got this job at a time when I really desperately needed one, but my loyalty has been stretched thin by all the bullshit the KM and food and beverage director* have put me through, not to mention the demoralizingly low pay--nine freaking dollars an hour. After three years of never being late, never calling out, going above and beyond what my job requires of me including staying at work off the clock to clean and organize the kitchen. Three years and I am currently the one who has worked here the longest. Everyone else has been here less than a year. I want to hit all the managers on the head with the clue bat and yell maybe it's YOU. Several people have said they will quit when I do, lol. Being appreciated by everyone but my supers: lol.

Compare that to Job B where one day the KM told me he was glad I was a competant human being. They also trust me to know what the fuck I'm doing and let me do it. So, okay Job B is slightly less...glamorous. It's a wing joint. But the pay is better and I have opportunities for advancement. It'll have to do until I finally get The Job.


*So, the F&B Director is one of those assholes who think he's god's gift to [whatever]. He likes to show off his ~superior knowledge~ and also to try and trap people. Ex., he added cheesecake to the menu last spring. He was showing me the recipe, and asked me if I knew how to use a spring form pan. I said I did. He asked me which side of the bottom piece is supposed to face up (thinking I was bullshitting him? Idk). I showed him. And then I watched him struggle to put the pan together. And then ninety minutes later when we checked it, it was still raw because he forgot to turn the oven on. This motherfucker.

life, etc.

Oct. 7th, 2015 04:16 pm
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
officially no longer a 20 something. Kind of weird but kind of not.

What's really weird is going from job 1, which I have been at for three years and I therefore know everything to do with this restaurant, to job 2, where I'm a noob. Weird headspace, let me tell you. Benefits to job 2: so far, the managers all seem okay. They all seem to appreciate me which should not be a novelty but nevertheless is. But let me be real, this is a place that serves hot wings and burgers. There is not even a saute station. This is not what I went to culinary school to do. But, for now, this is what I'm having to do to get ahead.

Job 1, on the other hand, the managers are mostly assholes, but when people find out that's where I work, they are delighted. It's a place I'm honestly proud to say I work at. Why can't they just pay me more* :(

So anyway, I went and applied for The Job again. This is what, the third time this year? and looking back, November/December was when I was called in for interviews. So. Maybe this is the year it happens. Fingers crossed.

*I know why, because they are stupid and incompetent and spend money on stupid shit we don't need. They just bought an $800 Kitchenaide mixer. for the sole purpose of making compound butter. I said to the kitchen manager, why did you buy that expensive mixer. The kitchen manager said they didn't want to buy the $200 one because it would probably break. I was like, but, you don't need to invest any money in this at all. It's. Just. Butter. If you really want it to be whipped then go to Walmart and buy a hand mixer for $6. He said that the food and beverage director wants to do pound cake at some point. Okay. That still doesn't require you to spend $800 or $200 or any dollars at all. Do you know how cheap it is to make pound cake? Do you realize how long it would probably take to get a return on that investment? And that's if they end up putting pound cake on the menu. Jesus, these stupid assholes.
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
One of the side benefits of being hypothyroid: I get super sleepy (and actually go to sleep and stay asleep) stupidly early (I'm talking 8:30 pm here) which is ridulous since I was operating on a full night's sleep and did nothing more strenous than write ~2600 words, BUT, unless I did something to really wear myself out, I wake up super stupid early, too.

Goodbye insomnia?! Haha maybe I'll be able to write some more before going to work?! Thank you [community profile] 21_days for jumpstarting my muse ;___;
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
Sometime soon I need to post a recap of my post-surgical medical/non medical drama, because everything that could go wrong, did. My cat dying in the middle of it was just the turd cherry on top of the shit cake.

But anyway I like my endocrinologist. He is the first doctor I've been to to be appropriately amazed at my weight loss, and that I did it 100% on my own with no supplements, appetite suppressants or surgery, and with a wonky thyroid, no less.

Life without a thyroid has been mostly similar to life with a thyroid. I was pretty sure I needed a higher dose of hormone, which was confirmed today. I have been sleeping way more than usual, and I've gained some weight, ugh. Hopefully I can get that back under control but other than that, it's business as usual.

I found a second job, starts in September. It's a startup so I'm definitely keeping current job. I would in any case because one job is just not enough. I tried again to get The Job but so far I've heard nothing back :(

On that note, I made some KILLER paleo eggplant parmesan, that I roasted the eggplant slices with salt, garlic powder, Italian seasoning and parmesan, instead of breading and frying them. I like it better than regular eggplant parm, tbh.
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Cat wearing glasses)
Toby passed away Tuesday, June 30. He was a good companion, and he didn't deserve to suffer the way he did. He started deteriorating right before my surgery, and it was only until this week I felt strong enough to deal with letting him go. My sister drove me to the vet, and they euthanized him. We buried him in my dad's garden, not far from where he was born, actually. I'm really going to miss him, especially since he was the most vocal of all my cats. It's already so much quieter.

The stupidest thing of getting used to him being gone is the way he would always follow me into the bathroom. I had to call him and make sure he knew I was going in there, otherwise he would scratch the door. He would jump on top of the litter box and expect me to scratch under his chin, every. single. time. Weirdo. He was also the only cat who had no problem waking me up when it was time for breakfast. Oz and Mica wait for me to get up, but Toby scratched on my door frame and meowed at me until I got up.

I had this cat for nine, almost ten years. I knew it would be hard, but damn do I want to start crying when I go in the kitchen and see two food bowls instead of three.
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
Everyone seems to be forgetting that the Supreme Court upheld the ACA as well as marriage equality. Thanks b/c I was genuinely worried now that I have a lifelong medical condition which requires routine labwork and medication.

Surgery itself was successful. I am sans goiter, can breathe normally and the incision is healing beautifully. I shouldn't have a bad scar at all.

Other than that I feel like microwaved crap and have been assured by the thyroidless ppl on the internet that this state of affairs will continue for the next couple of weeks until my body adjusts to its altered state. Still waiting to see an endocrinologist :/ and my follow up with my ENT was moved up to Monday because of me needing to go to the ER the day after I was discharged; my calcium levels got too low and you have no idea how sick that can make you :(

Seriously, this sucks.
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
Long time, no post. Shit has happened (a lot of shit has happened), so in no particular order of importance:

-I am an aunt again, and oh my god baby is adorbs. he has red hair! The first and only redhead in the family. It sucks that my sis and bil live about four hours out of town, but they hope to be able to move back here this summer

-found a place to move into, comes with a washer/dryer hookup, and I SCORED A FREE WASHER AND DRYER. Seriously almost all of my appliances and furniture I've gotten for free or super cheap, this is one area of my life I am consistently lucky, yay small mercies.

-okay so when I bought health insurance I picked the best plan I could afford because I knew I was going to actually be using it preventatively as opposed to if I was ever in an accident or something. I had a couple of (I thought) minor health issues that I thought I should probably get checked out before they became major health issues. Found out I have been living with a torn ACL for almost two years, so I have to wear a knee brace and do physical therapy and I also had to get shot. In my knee. I'm not normally weird about getting shots but when sharp pointy things are meant to go in places that my brain says they should not be able to penetrate it kind of is freaky. Eugh that was not fun.

There was also the issue of me getting really, really out of breath when I exercised, which at first was like, duh I'm out of shape, but then I got to the point where my muscles felt stronger, I felt like I could have kept going, but I still had to keep taking breaks because I was wheezing and completely unable to breathe and it was really frustrating. My gut was saying something is physically wrong (asthma maybe), so eventually I stopped strength training and just stuck with walking.

Also, I have nodules on my thyroid gland, which caused it to swell up massively, which I really only noticed after I started losing weight (ONE HUNDRED POUNDS SINCE AUGUST!!!). So who knows how long it's been that way. My thyroid function is totally normal, though, so my primary care doctor (who is super awesome, I love her and also her NP) refered me to an ENT, and that's when I found it's totally bigger on the inside and is starting to choke me from the inside out, hence my exercise-breathing issues. So I have to have my thyroid gland removed next Tuesday. My ENT said that if it got much bigger they might not be able to intibate me, and they definitely can't do a tracheotomy, so the timing on this, is wow. Nick of time almost.

So yeah I've been MRIed, CTed, X rayed, ultrasounded, and exsanguinated, and it all comes out to around $10,000. Just to diagnose all of this shit, not to actually treat it. And it would likely have remained undiagnosed and untreated until I totally blew my knee out and couldn't walk at all, and/or ended up in the ER unable to breath on my own, because I am unable to afford the full $235 a month that my health insurance costs.

I really kind of did not take this news well. I saw some promising info on shrinking goiters with kelp powder and iodine supplements, but seeing the CT of my trachea getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller, was really super freaky so I was like YES GET THIS THING OUT OF ME but also he has to totally slice my neck open. This will not be a fun experience, at all, but. I gotta do it. I had a couple of panic attacks over it, not even necessarily over the surgery itself, but just other things I could usually deal with totally overwhelmed me and I just ugh. But I'm good now (I think, hell I still have a week to get worked up again) but I will be good. Gonna use my vacation time at work, and file a claim with Aflac, (next on the to-do list, I fucking hate to-do lists) so money will not be a problem. Kinda looking forward to all that time off from work, tbh, even though it's not exactly for a fun reason.

'kay, bye.
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
-Since The Job has so far proved elusive, I decided fuck you and went over to a rival bakery, and got interviewed today, and I think it went pretty well. Interview dude straight up told me he liked me, he liked my experience, he saw nothing to indicate I would not be hired, buuuut I still have to be interviewed by the general manager. Downside, it is for front of house, but I made sure he knew that if there was ever an opening in the kitchen, I want in.

-My roommate is moving out in May, I want to move out in August, so I want to be able to live alone for the two months and try to find a quieter, possibly cheaper place (again). The ground floor sucks, and the current upstairs neighbors are horribly loud and rude. but, OF COURSE my roommate's cat shredded the carpet around our bedroom doors, so at some point this summer i am going to have to try and find matching carpet and do a patch job, because I would really like my security deposit back and also to not be responsible for the remaining balance of installing new carpet.

-Goddammit, though, I just spent $65 on new black and white chef pants for current job, and the uniform at the bakery is black pants. UGH

-Toby's cancer came back again, so I have decided to just let nature run its course. This was a really hard decision, but I just cannot afford to keep treating this, especially if it's not fucking working, anyway. Tip for cat owners: tell the vet to give their vaccinations on their hind feet, because the type of cancer Toby has IS CAUSED BY THE RABIES VACCINE, possibly the three-year vaccine is more likely to cause it, or prevent it, I have seen conflicting information on this, but anecdata: Toby went his whole life without getting this type of cancer until after he got the three-year vaccine, so. A three legged cat is better than no cat.

-I have health insurance! I am going to the doctor on Thursday! I am horribly nervous about this :( Filling out the family history forms just reinforced the fact that I need to act like a motherfucking adult and go to the doctor for a checkup, though, because my family? So not healthy.
kat_nic: (Madam Vastra weilding her swords)
Pretty sure I didn't get the job again. I've put off calling b/c I kept hoping that maybe it was taking so long to hear back because of the holidays. But. Yeah. Self delusion and hope can only go so far before you just have to woman up and admit you just got screwed again. I was so fucking sure this time, thanks for getting my hopes up of ever attaining something resembling financial stability while still working in a field I love, only to crush them once again.

I really think I'm starting to hate this place.
kat_nic: (Madam Vastra)
GUYS. THE JOB IS POTENTIALLY IN MY REACH. Motherfucking shitty cell phone service means I missed their call while I was at work yesterday, and now we are apparently playing phone tag, but the point is they are hiring again and THEY THOUGHT OF ME. I need this job so bad, my hours have been cut yet again, and even if current job gives me another raise in January, it still wouldn't be anywhere close to what I would make at this other place.

ETA the interview is tonight at six. *crossed fingers*

ETA 2 The interview went well, and they want me to come back Sunday night for a working interview. FUCK YEAH
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
I just want to know what jackass thought up food-scented candles.

I remember a couple years ago I walked in my parents' house and it smelled like LOVE and DELICIOUSNESS. I thought I was about to get a treat, but noooo, mom was burning a sugar cookie scented candle. :[

And then my mom bought me a scented candle for my birthday. A pumpkin pie, harvest spice, and maple sugar scented candle. Gee it's not like I'm trying to quit eating sugar or anything. (I didn't even eat cake on my birthday, I can't believe it either. And they made one, too.)

I'm probably going to make this instead of the gluten/dairy free pumpkin pie for the Thanksgiving Shindig. It looks cheaper to make, why must grain free baking flours be so fucking expensive. Plus there will be approximately 15,000 pies there anyway (did I ever mention how fucking gigantic my family is?) I found a recipe for green bean casserole that contains ingredients I can eat, and pureed cauliflower is a fucking delicious substitute for mashed potatoes, with clarified butter and roasted garlic. So that's the holidays sorted. I have sort of been worrying about that, because I am really commited to No Grains and Real Food but do you realize how much stuff is made with grains and processed mystery ingredients? LIKE EVERYTHING. And then there was belated realizing that I can't have cornbread dressing. That was always my most favorite, I could seriously just eat a huge plate of dressing and call it Thanksgiving. Did you know that 90% of corn is GMO? It is on my do not eat ever list. Rice is negotiable. Why isn't rice more delicious?
kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
Toby has another tumor. I still have $45 left to pay off from his sugery back in Aptil. Ugh. Car is acting up but it turned out to be a faulty sensor and not a faulty transmission. It needs a new battery in any case. Guess I know what I'm spending next paycheck on.

Like, I am seriously at the point of considering fast food employment. My student loans come off deferment in December, that's $120 added back in to ye old monthly expenditure. Everytime I put some money into my savings, I end up having to use it. I can't even get up to $50 before I have to use some of it to buy gas or food or cover a bill.

I would love to force the company CEO or the Food and Beverage Director to live on what they deem a fair wage. Protip: anything below ten dollars an hour is a fucking joke.

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kat_nic: A cat wearing glasses (Default)
the nice misanthrope

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