The following is a transcript of an actual phone conversation I had last night. As I recall, my friend (who is a pastry major) and I had gotten on the subject of which celebrity chefs we liked, and it turns out we both have nothing but utter disdain for Sandra Lee, of Semi-Homemade fame.
Me: ...And why the hell is her kitchen different in every episode? She always has a theme, you know, and her kitchen and her outfit match the theme. I remember the one where her theme was lemons, and she had lemons all over the damn kitchen, and made lemon chicken soup, and I kid you not, just opened a can of Campbell's chicken and stars--chicken and stars, mind you, not regular old chicken noodle, and poured lemon juice in it. What the fuck?
My Friend: Oh my god, did you see the epsidode where she made Kwanza Cake?
>>>It took me a moment to register this, before I started laughing.
Me: (still laughing hysterically) What the hell is a white bitch from California doing making a Kwanza cake?
My Friend: Oh she made a Star of David too. I guess she didn't want to leave out the Jews.
Me: I have to ask: what is a Kwanza cake and how did she make it?
My Friend: She took a store bought Angel food cake, cut it in half, scooped out the middle, and filled it with canned apple pie filling. The she took some Cool Whip, mixed it with cocoa powder and cinnamon, and iced the damn thing with it, and filled the hole in the center with the rest of the apple pie filling. Then she goes and decorates it with corn nuts.
Me: (explosive laughter) Corn nuts? Corn nuts? Not candy corn, but corn nuts?
My Friend: Yes, corn nuts, like the beer nuts you get at a bar.
Me: (still laughing) Oh my god, what the hell?! Corn nuts! Those give my dad such bad gas. When we went on family road trips he was forbidden from eating corn nuts, because he would fart and then not roll down the windows. I have to ask again, it was corn nuts, not candy corn?
My Friend: (laughing) Not candy corn. And that's what I was thinking! Everyone would get gas from eating the damn cake!
>>>I don't think I have laughed quite as hard as that in a very long time.